I have a take on the Jungian idea of the shadow self’s role in achieving a richer level of existence.
First of all, the definition that I’m working with is the following: that we must integrate our shadow self into our identity to attain individuation. This means to become an individual who knows themselves well enough to understand how to move in the world, remaining faithful to their own unique (individual) constellation of personal qualities. I say ‘unique constellation’ because our individuality is the indivisible essence of who we are. If we were to divide that core of qualities further, we would cease to be us. Thus, it is in-dividual.
Our unique constellation of personal qualities is the result of an equation of experiential, genetic, environmental, relational, agencial, temporal elements that can produce an infinite variety of results. Just as there are many more stars than human beings in this planet, and we can keep naming each one of them after each existent person and never run out, there are enough possible results of this equation to provide one individuality to each human that was, is, and probably will ever be.
So the shadow, being one of the keys to realise this individuation, is something unique to us as well. Identifying it and confronting it in an appropriate manner is an essentially personal struggle that only we can truly understand.
As I see it, shadows are an unconscious part of ourselves that is natural to us but that our most ingrained sense of an ideal self-identity will not approve of in any way. No matter how much we choose to ignore it, to forget that it exists, to suppress it, it never ceases to roam in the background. It remains somewhere in our psyche as a threatening force, something that we avoid to think about because it hurts. It scares us, showing us how capable we are of going against the values that we so carefully cultivated in both our self-narrative and public persona.
However, given that it is a natural part of our individuality, connected to something deep and essential about us that goes beyond our acquired principles of pride, propriety, civility and so on, we cannot get rid of it. In fact, the more we try to suppress it, not allowing it the space it needs in our inner-selves, the more it will find its own space somewhere else. For example, it will be wrongfully projected on other people, suck up our sense of life-satisfaction, periodically turn up in our minds to randomly trigger shame and self-scolding, steal our energy and attention, or slip into the crevices of the foundations upon which we construct our ideal selves, and weaken them (as we try to mold our identities to an external ideal that cannot be an organic, perfect fit for who we are, we establish this constructed self upon shaky grounds, where our feelings, values and deeply hidden inclinations many times do not match the beliefs that we force ourselves to adopt, and the deeds that we perform inspired by them).
So as the wisdom goes, the best way to achieve a more coherent individuality is to proactively look into it with interest and without judgement. Not only to know what it is, but to do so while accepting that it is a part of us. If we cannot be the person who we projected ourselves to be due to our nature, it doesn’t mean that we are hopelessly flawed or insufficient. A well-appropriated inner-reality and a respected but tamed shadow are far more interesting and have far more potential than a state of weak self-knowledge filled with deliberate gaps, trying to fit itself into an even weaker artificial ideal. An ideal inspired by perceiving the incomplete versions of other people that we think constitute what we need to be. Once we explore what the shadows actually are, as painful and laborious as this process might be, we can create firmer foundations for a stronger identity.
What happens with shadow-integration and the individuation that results from it is that the web of meanings that form our identities becomes denser and much stronger. This is because all those gaps that we left in the dark as shadows are the missing elements among the many parts that should in conjunction explain why we believe in some things, and why we act in a certain way. You cannot properly understand the causes of something if you don’t possess a comprehensive overview of all the factors that come into play in order to make it happen. You cannot selectively choose the ones that align better to how you want reality to be and draw the best conclusions from that.
In short, if there is someone that we shouldn’t fool is ourselves. Integrating your shadow doesn’t mean to indulge in every ‘vice’ or socially unhelpful inclination that you carry within you. It doesn’t mean to give up trying to be a better person either. What it means is that we need to be transparent with ourselves and accept that we are capable of making decisions or wanting things partially because of ‘ugly’ motivations, and that it’s far more important to be the kind of person who doesn’t allow this awareness to undermine the good parts behind our motivations, the parts that we chose by our own will and worked hard to acquire. In fact, integrating our shadows is nobler than suppressing them in the search for a better self because, again, we cannot be at our best (and set a good example to others, by being the one who is candid about their imperfections and weaknesses) if we don’t have the full picture at our disposal.
And since shadows are universal, in everyone of us, it means that you’re not alone. Even though you don’t have access to the full subjectivity of the people around you, it’s safe to assume that everyone has a shadow side that they need to cope with.
An example comes to mind, it has to do with love:
Have you ever had a friend or someone very close to you, or maybe someone you highly respect yet simultaneously couldn’t help but think less of them in frivolous ways? Let me explain. You may know a person that you appreciate enormously because of their continuous efforts to do their best, for their heart of gold, because they are unique, because you know them, love them profoundly and you would do anything for them. But perhaps a shadow part of you, a frivolous, weak part of you cannot help to think that they are unappealing, that they should start a diet, or doubt their chances of success no matter how hard they try. Maybe someone that, even if you would defend them against detractors, you still secretly agree with some of what they say, somewhere deep within you. Worst of all, if they put you through a lie detector, you’re certain that it would instantly detect your lies.
Where does this leave you? Are you in reality a shallow person that should be ashamed of themselves? Are the external voices of a cruel society echoing through your subconscious? But what about your genuine desire for only the best to happen to this person? Isn’t being dishonest to them counterproductive to the best happening to them?
As I see it, this can be interpreted as a suppressed shadow leaving you in confusion about what your values actually are, and whether your feelings (such as love) are what you think they were at all. In this case, if you were to attempt to integrate your shadow, you would embrace the fact that you can be a bit frivolous and that it’s much more productive to be aware of that than to cling to the hope that you can someday become your perfect ideal. Now that you are transparent about it, you can prevent the feeling of shame that comes from suppression to affect other areas of your life, such as harboring resentment towards other people’s frivolity as your uprooted shadow needs some place to take its self-hate with her.
Ultimately, once you accept your frivolity and allow yourself to explore it, you can appreciate more the fact that you had the agency to choose your love and admiration for that person to trump over your shadow thoughts. You choose to let your actions and your words reflect this love, even if sometimes it might be a more committed, challenging path, in spite of your casual frivolity. And in the end, once you look deeper into what you decided to call frivolity, you might find that, in the light of day, the monster is merely an evolutionary trait, a heightened-sensitivity for detecting what is more or less acceptable in the society you are in. This is a helpful evolutionary trait to possess.
The brighter we illuminate ourselves with what we think are our virtues and the more we aggrandise ourselves, trying to keep the shadow out of sight, the darker and more prominent it becomes. The trick is to step aside and let the light penetrate that shadowy space. The trick is to get ourselves out of the way.
To conclude, a quote from the film ‘Princess Mononoke’ that reflects this search for balance: ‘You must see with eyes unclouded by hate. See the good in that which is evil, and the evil in that which is good. Pledge yourself to neither side, but vow instead to preserve the balance that exists between the two.’
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